Expert Warns Against Five Common Passive-Aggressive Phrases That Can Undermine Workplace Communication

Emails lacking vocal tone or facial cues can easily be misinterpreted, and even well-meaning phrases may come across as hostile or impatient, says executive coach Melody Wilding. In an interview based on her book "Managing Up," Wilding cautions professionals that certain habitual expressions in written communication can signal an inability to handle conflict diplomatically—potentially jeopardizing promotions or credibility with colleagues and supervisors.

According to Wilding, who has worked with leaders for over a decade, executives frequently admit they avoid promoting employees who struggle with direct, tactful communication. “At higher levels, you need to express yourself with tact, bringing others along rather than putting them on the defensive,” she explains. Written messages, stripped of tone and body language, make careful word choice essential.

Wilding identifies five phrases that may unintentionally sound passive-aggressive:

A group of people in an office | Source: Pexels

1. “Just circling back on this”: While intended as a polite nudge, Wilding says it can be perceived as: “Why haven’t you gotten back to me yet?” Instead, she recommends stating clear requests and deadlines. For example: “We need your feedback on the new hire. Please send me three bullets about who you prefer and why by end of day tomorrow,” or “Could you let me know your thoughts on slides 3–6? I’m hoping to finalize the deck and send it to the committee by Tuesday.”

2. “Per my last email…”: This phrase can convey irritation, suggesting the recipient overlooked important information. Wilding advises replacing it with neutral options such as “To recap the key points…” or “Here’s what we agreed on during our last conversation…” Alternatively, she says, restate the necessary details without any preamble: “The deadline is Friday at 5 p.m.” or “The choices are A, B, or C. Which would you prefer?”

3. “Copying [name] here”: Bringing a superior or stakeholder into a thread can feel like an escalation. Wilding notes it may shift the exchange from collaborative to confrontational. If including others is necessary, she recommends transparency: “I’m adding Isaac since he’ll need to approve the final design,” or “Looping in Nadia because this impacts her team’s timeline.”

Uncomfortable woman in an office | Source: Pexels

4. “Thanks in advance”: Although widely used, this phrase can sound presumptuous, as if the recipient has no choice but to comply. It may also seem transactional. Wilding suggests wording that respects autonomy: “Could you review this in the next 48 hours? Let me know if that’s feasible,” or “Please let me know if this timeline works for you.” She warns against going too far with overly deferential phrases that make you seem unsure, such as “I’d appreciate your help, if you get the chance. No worries if not!”

5. “Please advise”: Often deployed when frustrated, “Please advise” can come across as cold or formal. Wilding recommends softer alternatives: “What are your thoughts on this?” “Can you clarify the process for me?” or “I’ll hold off until I hear from you.”

Wilding emphasizes that these phrases are not inherently passive-aggressive but can become red flags when used while feeling irritated or impatient. “The more conscious you become of your word choices, the more confident and influential you’ll seem,” she says. Her guidance highlights the importance of direct, respectful communication in maintaining trust and influence in professional settings, particularly when tone and context are easily lost in digital exchanges.